


I Need You More Than I Can Say

by RarePairGremlin



Series: Kinktober [11]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Barebacking, Booty Calls, Cumshot, Desperation, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 12:22:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21729844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RarePairGremlin/pseuds/RarePairGremlin
Summary: At first, he tried to handle it on his own. The craving need for something he shouldn’t have, shouldn't ask for and definitely didn’t deserve. He’d taken a shower so cold he’d been shivering so hard he could barely move, his sin producing steam the moment he stepped out of the icy stream. He tried using his imagination instead. Producing images of his sins while his hand worked himself up into a state where he couldn’t even cum, his body needing the real thing instead now. Everything he did just made him more on edge, made him think about them in longer bursts. It was damn near maddening now.
Relationships: Kai Nobuyuki/Konoha Akinori
Series: Kinktober [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1498679
Kudos: 18





	I Need You More Than I Can Say

**Author's Note:**

> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/RarePairGremlin) | [ My Discord Group, 18+, come chat! ](https://discord.gg/CsX643w) | [ Pillowfort ](https://www.pillowfort.social/RPG) | [ Tumblr ](https://rarepairgremlin.tumblr.com)
> 
> The last Kinktober fic I finished. Unedited.

His knee bounced restlessly, heel banging against the floor noisily enough that he was thankful he’d moved out of an apartment a few months ago. No way he wouldn’t be disturbing anyone beneath him by this point, with all of his pacing and thumping tonight. But it was as if he couldn’t stop, no… That wasn’t true. He could end the continuous motions if he wanted to. But that wasn’t the issue, the issue was whether or not he should put an end to it. Because the only way he could was to scratch the itch that has been crawling over and under his skin for the past few hours. 

At first, he tried to handle it on his own. The craving need for something he shouldn’t have, shouldn't ask for and definitely didn’t deserve. He’d taken a shower so cold he’d been shivering so hard he could barely move, his sin producing steam the moment he stepped out of the icy stream. He tried using his imagination instead. Producing images of his sins while his hand worked himself up into a state where he couldn’t even cum, his body needing the real thing instead now. Everything he did just made him more on edge, made him think about them in longer bursts. It was damn near maddening now.

But he didn’t deserve it, didn’t deserve them anymore. It had been such a simple, cut and dry thing for months. They needed relief and found it in each other. It started on a whim and continued from there as if nothing had changed between their casual friendship. Hell, they wouldn’t have even been friends if it hadn’t been for knowing each other in high school and suddenly finding themselves in the same intro to English literature course. But now…

Now he has feelings. He went and developed feelings for the one person he had no right to have feelings for. It was despicable really. Who the hell fucks one of their few friends in college and lets himself fall in love with them? After you both made it clear neither of you wanted a relationship? He was the definition of asshole and idiot. 

His fingers hovered over the smiling picture of their contact info again. He’s done it at least half a dozen times in the past hour, if not more. Each time was getting harder to move his thumb away from hitting their number, effectively dialing and asking them to come over. Cursing out a streak of colorful words Konoha tossed his phone on the coffee table. It clattered so loud he worried he’d cracked the screen but he didn’t trust himself to pick it up. Afraid he’d turn it over and call them instead of checking the screen for damages. 

Slamming his back into the couch he ran his palms over his face, curled his fingers into his slightly damp hair and tugged on the strands until his scalp stung. He sighed out heavily, his lungs emptying all the oxygen it held before sucking in more. His eyes stung, from unshed tears of frustration or from sleep deprivation he’s not sure. Digging the heels of his palms into them he gritted his teeth at the feeling of his erection twitch under the confines of his pajama pants. Images of their hands running along his sides as their mouth wrapped around his leaking cock ran through his mind without permission. His breath hitched when he felt the ghostly hands drag their blunt nails along his skin, his hips bucking up into the wetness that wasn’t there.

Growling out in angered frustration Konoha’s hands fell away from his face. One gripped into the edge of the couch cushion while the other swept beneath the hem of his pants, fingers circling his throbbing length and pumping without hesitation. His back arched, head dug into the armrest as his mouth fell open in a high whine at the contact. His eyes squeezed shut tight and the question on why his eyes stung was answered as a tear betrayed him by slipping from the corner of his eyes towards his ear. His hips stuttered up into his hand, the pressure his fist gave him a wonderful relief but not enough. It was never enough along anymore. He choked on air as he tried to get himself off again, the images of them flashing through his mind but still. It was just not enough. 

Smacking his fist into the couch he released himself and rolled over. Sucking on his fingers sloppily he pushed his pajamas down with his other hand, freeing his cock and ass from the too-tight fabrics. Reaching behind him he sunk his middle finger into himself, pumping it in and out while curling it as he pulled it out. He twitched around himself as moans slipped past his lips. In desperation, he added two other fingers and pressed them in deep without giving himself time to adjust. He winced as the dull stretch but he kept going, face buried into the cushions as his other hand began pumping his cock again. He allowed his mind to create images of them pounding into him freely, hoping it would finally get him off. The pleasure edging on pain was becoming too much to handle. 

He found his prostate and shuddered, hips rolling back against his hand as he massaged his curled fingers against it. Working himself up closer to orgasm than he had been earlier. His legs spasmed and twitched as he pumped himself harder, slick sounds of his precum being spread over his cock filling the air alongside his gasps and whispered pleas. The minutes ticked by and he rode the edge until his legs wouldn’t stop shaking, throwing his balance off and his arms and wrists ached. Falling onto his stomach he screamed into the couch until he couldn’t breathe, his lungs forcing him to turn his head and inhale the cool air of his living room. 

A noise interrupted his struggling and he slowed his breathing to listen. A buzzing, soft but insistent. Konoha’s eyes fell on the coffee table, blurred vision focusing on the cell he’d tossed aside. The edges lit up against the glass and he reached out to flip it over. He was thankful that no cracks were seen on the screen but his breath caught as Kai’s smiling face greeted him. 

They were calling him. It’s late in the morning. It only meant one thing…

Swiping the answer button Konoha lifted it to his ear. Kai’s soft voice filled his ear, asking in a quiet voice if they’d woken him. Konoha shook his head as he panted out a no, his voice uncontrollably shaky. Kai asked him what was wrong and before he could think before he could stop himself his mouth was opening and the words he’d been trying not to say for weeks now slipped out.

“I need you…” his eyes squeezed shut, another tear betrayed him. Kai was quiet for a long moment before his voice broke through Konoha’s bubble of self-hatred. He blinked into the dimmed lighting of the living room, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as the dial tone of the ended phone call screamed into his ear. 

He questioned his hearing for the next fifteen minutes, told himself the call had never happened and Kai had never said what he’d said. But sure enough, the knock on his door came. Only one person dared to knock on his door this late and he was greeted by their warm, beautiful gaze as he unlocked it for them. They stared at each other, Konoha blocking them outside in the cold fall night air as his chest heaved up and down, eyes wandering over their expression. Trying to tear it apart and find anything contradictory in the eyes staring back into his. But all he found was the gentleness he’s come to crave when they aren’t there with him. 

Releasing a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding, Konoha reached out and dragged them inside. Kai went to turn to close the door but he told them to just kick it closed, grinning as Kai did just that. The door slammed closed and he was slamming Kai’s back against it, hands undoing the zipper of their jacket as his lips sucked and nibbled down the cool skin of their neck. Kai moaned, the sound vibrating against Konoha’s lips, their hands helping him removed the articles of clothing restricting them from being skin to skin. 

Konoha thanked Kai mentally for not getting completely dressed before coming over. His bare chest greeting Konoha’s mouth and hands as the jacket was dropped uncaringly to the floor. Konoha immediately dipped his head down to lick his way down Kai’s chest. Teeth grazing over as nipple as his fingers swirled over the other. Kai arched into his touch, their hands going into his hair and tugging lightly. He released a growled moan against the nipple, sucking it into his mouth before moving to the center of their chest again. He dropped onto his knees and he brushed feather-light kissed against each ab, his eyes flicking up to watch Kai’s face, their gazes meeting as his hands slid down Kai’s sides. Grinning against their skin as he felt their muscles twitch under his fingertips Konoha brushed his lips over the skin just above the elastic of their sweats. 

He breathed in the sweet, tropical scent of their coconut and sandalwood body wash. Tongue darting out to taste their clean skin as his fingers curled under the elastic of the sweats, pulling them down. He sat back on his knees and watched as he pushed the hem of their pants against their obvious erection, bending it down until the hem slipped over it. It sprung out of the confines of their clothes, smacking up against their stomach. Kai’s groan of relief had him grinning, running his lips along his bottom lip as he watched a bead of glistening precum form on the tip. He ran his fingertips along the length of it, pressing against the bundle of nerves just below the head as he debated on sucking them off. It was damn tempting, they always tasted so good, felt so amazing against his tongue, but the built-up need of tonight had his nerves singing. His body shaking with desperation so badly he couldn’t find enough strength or control to pull off their shoes.

They took over for him, leaning against the door heavily as they stripped away the rest of the clothes. Kicking off their shoes and wiggling out of their sweats. Everything falling into a messy pile that would no doubt annoy the fuck out of him later. But for now, he was content enough to let it slide. 

He laid back against the cold surface of his floor and pushed down his pajama pants, completely exposing himself for them. He saw the confusion cross Kai’s mind, their eyes flicking from him to look in the direction of his bedroom and back. Their lips opened to question him but he reached out a hand. They took it hesitantly and let themself be pulled down to the floor, body looming over his so close he shivered at the radiating heat produced between them. 

“Here. Right here,” he choked out as his arms circled around their neck. He pulled them in close, lips just barely brushing before he turned his head and buried his face into the crook of their neck and shoulder. No kissing. It was his own rule, he’d been adamant about it. But oh god, did he ever want to break it right now. 

“Y’sure?” they breathed into his ear, sending shocks of cold currents through his veins. He nodded into their skin, hips grinding up into theirs harshly. Kai sucked a hard breath in at the contact, their hips pressing his back down into the hard floor and grinding. Konoha gasped, his nails digging into their skin as he moved his arms under theirs to grasp onto their back. His legs wrapped around their hips pulling them so close and tight they couldn’t do anything but grind their cocks together. 

Their skin heated up quickly, sweat breaking out all over as their bodies slid together. He busied his mouth by leaving bites and hickeys everywhere his lips could reach. Kai would give him a disapproving look later for how purple and dark his neck now appeared but he’d just smirk back at them over his hard work. 

Kai’s hands wound around his hips to grip into his ass, lifting them up as he ground down hard. Konoha’s head fell away from their neck with a wet pop, the back hitting the floor hard enough to sting as he moaned out long and lewdly. Kai whined at the sound, their lips vibrating against his shoulder as they gasped out the question for lube. Konoha groaned, telling them he didn’t grab any, that the bottle was in the bedroom. They chuckled breathily against him at his distraught tone. They released his ass and tried to push up and away. Konoha gripped tighter and growled in protest bringing another chuckle from them.

“Just wait.”

“No,” he shot back, biting into their shoulder hard enough to sting. Kai hissed, their hand working into his hair and yanking. He moaned around their skin in his mouth, sucking hard when they yanked again. 

“I ouch!” they smacked the back of his head when he bit harder. “I have lube!” 

Konoha released them instantly, limbs falling away as he melted into the floor. Kai shook their head down at him and he winked back. He bit back an embarrassing noise as Kai pushed away, the cold air settling against his skin uncomfortably. His hazy, lust-filled eyes watched them dig through their jacket pocket for the lube they claimed to have. He practically keened when the bottle came into view, back arching off the floor briefly at the sound of the cap popping open and the squelching sound of the gel being squeezed out. His eyes fell closed as the slick sounds of Kai pumping and spreading the lube over himself filled the air, harmonizing with his hard breathing. His body hummed with anticipation, his insides clenching around nothing as it waited to be filled and pounded.

His nails dragged over the wood surface of the floor when he felt Kai move between his legs again, their body bending over his again as the tip of their wet cock was pressed against his entrance. Konoha sucked in a stuttering breath as he willed himself to relax. Knowing that the tip was always the hardest part, that once it was in the rest would be easier. In the back of his mind, he acknowledged the fact that they should be using a condom, but they haven’t really worried about it the last few times so he didn’t dwell on it. Neither one fucking anyone else anyways.

Kai braced their weight beside Konoha’s head, lowering themself down to their elbow as they pressed their thighs flush against his. He spread his legs wider, feeling a slight burn in his hips, to accommodate them. He swung his legs around their hips again and shifted his hips up closer, hands sliding up their sides to feel the sticky skin of their back. Kai hummed at the feeling of his fingers massaging into his muscles, face dipping into Konoha’s shoulder where they nuzzled in deep as they pushed forward.

He bit into his lip and concentrated on breathing as the tip started to invade his entrance. The burn of the stretch making his inhales hitch in his throat and exhales shudder. Kai whispered sweet words into his ear, face turning up so their lips brushed against the outer shell. He sighed and leaned into their mouth, bumps littering his skin with each mumbled praise. His back arched and he gasped out when it finally slipped inside, their cock burning hot inside him. Kai paused his movements to let him adjust for a minute, their arms shaking noticeably as the hand that had been guiding their cock came up to cup his face. 

Turning his face fully to the side he brushed his nose against theirs, watery eyes blinking open to see them watching him. He swallowed hard, breath ghosting over their face as he nodded. Silently telling them it was okay to keep going. Kai rubbed their noses together as a distraction, thumb curving slowly over Konoha’s cheekbone as he pushed further into them. Inching in as gently as they could. Whispering words they’ve never spoken before over his face, telling Konoha that he was so beautiful, how amazing he is and how much they need him too. It was overwhelming and his chest started hurting from the overpowering warmth spreading through it. 

He wasn’t sure what to do or say. The feeling between them has never been this intense, this emotional and loving before. He was so far out of his element with Kai that all he could think to do was hold on and take everything they were so freely offering to him now. What had been so clearly a booty call when they’d reached out was now a kind of need and utter desperation that he couldn’t control, even if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to control any of it for once. 

Slowly they bottomed out, their hips pressing against his ass tightly enough he could feel the tickle of the hairs above their cock against his balls. His legs twitched, urging them to get closer even though that was impossible. Kai’s hands slid up under his shoulder, fingers curling around the tops of them for leverage as he gave his hips a deep roll. Konoha screamed out as they hit so far inside him their cock was rubbing his prostate straight on without moving away. His nails dug into Kai’s back, leaving angry trails behind. His back arched and he pushed his hips down into their shallow thrusts, words of encouragement tumbling from his lips so quickly they bled together into near nonsense.

Thankfully, Kai seemed to be beyond any sense of control like he was, their hips pulling away and rutting forward roughly in wet smacks. He’d been coasting along the edge of orgasm for so long it was nearly painful to have what his body had wanted now, pounding into him the way he’d imagined as he’d been fingering himself. The real thing was so much better, so much hotter and sexier and it left him keening as they used his body the way he wanted them to. Kai hitting every single one of his sensitive points as he just laid there, head hitting against the floor from the strength behind the thrusts and body wide open for them to do as they pleased. Kai knew his body better than he did, bringing him to a mindblowing, blindingly white orgasm within minutes.

Every muscle tensed and a guttural scream ripped through his throat as his back arched into a painful curve. His release on his stomach was long and messy, the prolonged buildup making the orgasm not only extremely intense but had him leaking out hot cum long after his cock stopped twitching. Kai continued pounding into him, becoming rougher as he pulsed around their leaking cock. He heard the hiss of pain from them as his fingers dug deep into their skin. Wetness slid from the corners of his eyes and he stubbornly refused to acknowledge that he was crying. His legs quaked so violently around Kai’s waist he had to lower them to the floor before he got a charlie horse. He released Kai’s back with shaky hands, digging them into his own thighs so he could spread himself even wider for them. Kai grunted in response to the angle, their breath panting against his as they chased their own orgasm.

He was beginning to shudder with oversensitivity, teeth-gritting, and eyes squeezing shut as tears continued to fall down his face to the floor. Finally, he felt their cock swell in him. He whined at the feeling and blinked open slowly as he felt their hips begin stuttering. 

Kai pulled out in a swift, wet pop as their cock began spurting hot strings of cum, leaving a trail inside of him before releasing over his hole as the tip was left pressing against him. Konoha watched as Kai’s face fell back, mouth falling open in a silent, pleasure-filled cry as their hand pumped their throbbing cock in quick motions. His legs fell from his hands to slump against Kai’s thighs, hands landing on the floor as he came up from his high. He felt the warm stickiness dripping off his still pulsing, clenching hole and bit back a wince at the thought of having to clean up the mess once Kai leaves.

The sudden thought of Kai leaving, another one of his dumb as fuck rules, about how there were to be no sleepovers no matter what the time was, had his chest filling with warmed pain again. Only this time it felt like he’d had melted metal poured inside him and now it was cooling, weighing him down against the floor so heavily he couldn’t move. His eyes stung with a new collection of tears and he bit harshly into his lip to keep from releasing the choked sob creeping up his throat. Reluctantly he closed his eyes against the image before him, despite knowing that the view of Kai’s sweaty, flushed face twisted into pleasure, pleasure that he gave them, would be imprinted inside his mind forever. Unfortunately closing his eyes meant the fresh tears spilled out and he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes on reflex, which of course drew Kai’s lagging attention as their high began dying off.

He was thankful that Kai didn’t comment on the obvious upset state he was suddenly in. Moving away and standing, their feet padding softly along his floor as he shuddered in a breath. He hoped Kai would hurry up and just leave already. The swirling emotions coursing through him doubled with the tormenting presence of them being so close, yet so damn far away. Why the hell had he thought this arrangement would be a good idea? Fucking without feelings never worked. In books, in movies, in real life. It always screwed things up, made them messy and complicated and he hated himself now. He couldn’t blame Kai, for any of it. He was the one who had pressed the rules, he’d been the one to demand things that would keep a wall up between them as friends and lovers. He’d fucked himself over.

He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat, shakily breathed through his nose as Kai’s footsteps returned. He felt them kneel beside him, flinched when he felt their fingers gently brush the sweaty hair away from his forehead. His hands remained covering his face, hiding the tears that Kai had already seen but his mind refused to admit were there. His muscles trembled when something warm and wet swiped over his skin. His hands fell away as his neck craned down to see Kai’s hand, face cloth gripped between his fingers, wiping away the mess they’d created together. His brows knitted together as he flicked his gaze up to Kai’s face.

They weren’t looking at him, eyes focused on cleaning his skin so Konoha let his hands fall on top of each other on his chest. Unsure of what to do as Kai’s never done this before, he let them continue wordlessly. They moved his legs carefully, wiping away the evidence of their fucking with gentle glides of the warm cloth. He sucked in a sharp breath when it brushed over the sensitive skin of his softened cock and again when it hit his abused hole. Kai never looked back at him which hurt, but he’d also wanted that. He’d wanted that distance.

Right?

He moved onto his stomach when Kai gently pushed him to roll over, his arms curling under his face to pillow it as Kai cleaned the pooled cum off his ass and floor. He watched through messy strands of hair as Kai walked back down his hall. He sniffed and rubbed his eyes against his arm, spreading around the mess of salty tears that were finally drying. The skin around his eyes tacky from them as Kai returned with a throw blanket that he recognized as the one he’d tossed on the end of his bed earlier. His face scrunched up in confusion again as Kai laid it over him, tucking it around him as they laid down. He bit back the hum of pleasure he felt as Kai’s arm looped around his back, their other arm curling up like his to provide them a pillow as well. 

Their faces were level, eyes watching each other with a twinge of hesitation and uncertainty within them. Konoha’s eyes darted back and forth between their eyes, searching for something he couldn’t place. His mind swimming through conflicting thoughts and feelings faster than he could keep up. Althewhile Kai’s hand gently rubbed small, slow circles along his spine, moving up and down in a kind of caress that wasn’t meant for people you simply want to fuck. 

Against his better judgment, Konoha leaned into his elbow as his face closed the distance between them. Whether the sudden kiss was to anger them, make them leave, or to put himself out there in a sort of confession-like way he’s unsure. But it didn’t matter when Kai melted into him, arm stilling after pulling them close together. Lips moving in sync, pressing and gliding against each other as if they’ve been kissing for years. His brain barely focused enough to force oxygen through his nose and into his lungs. From the way Kai’s hot breaths ghosted over his cheek they were having the same issue. Their eyes fell shut and he closed his soon after, hand coming up to run his fingertips along the sharp line of their jaw. Exploring up their cheek and running over the peach fuzz of their fresh buzzcut. 

Their tongue brushed over his lips and he opened his mouth without hesitation. It brushed over his and he hummed as pleasure rippled through his exhausted body. His hand gripped tightly into Kai’s neck as he pressed further into them, his covered chest leaning into theirs. Kai’s arm uncurled from under their head and wound around his neck, cradling him as he was pulled onto their chest. He rolled easily, his muscles screaming in soreness but his mind too occupied by the warmth behind the kiss to notice or care. 

Kai settled him half on top of them, their back laying flat against the floor as their kiss broke. They didn’t move away from each other though, lips still pressed together, parted just enough that pantings breaths broke through. He blinked his eyes open just enough to gaze into Kai’s as they spoke into his mouth, words soft and barely heard over their breathing.

“Tell me again… Say you need me,” the pleading note in Kai’s voice reached their eyes and Konoha felt the sting in his eyes coming back as he repeated the words he’d said earlier when he’d answered the call. Chanting it again and again in between slow glides of their lips together, Kai’s mouth capturing them as their hand tangled into his hair.


End file.
